Positive Procrastination

26 November 2018, 1120

  • A tiny bug in my laptop allows me to see what time I was last using it. So when I flipped the lid, it said 0715 and quickly it switched to now, 1120.
    • For those of you who wonder how long it takes writers to write, it is actually now 1123. These parentheses have taken scarcely thirty seconds to write but the previous two sentences took a few rewrites. It’s always been an interest of mine to know how long it takes to write something, but writing is easy if you know what you want to say. Maybe it would be a nice feature to have a writing-speed ticker on the side of your computer. Like a speedometer on a car or a bicycle, keeping track of your vital statistics.
    • Do I have a busy mind? Yes. Do I have a place to put my many thoughts? Well I do now. That’s what this blog is.
  • Anyway, so it’s 1127 now and what have I done with my day?
    • Well I woke up at 7, before the baby, so I got a sneaky half hour to myself. Pure bliss. Now I know from experience that it is not a good idea to start working as soon as I get up, so I read a newspaper article about the Isle of Lewis where Donald Trump’s mother hails from. Incidentally, I hate the stress of the news but I love reading about this, that and theother, first thing in the morning. So by the time the baby started screaming at half seven I hadn’t actually done any work yet. So I left him to cry for a teeny bit and quickly worked out my plan of attack for the next few days and only then did I set about my usual domestic duties. But today, I had some extra vigour. I had something to not do. I have a funding application to submit by Thursday afternoon and I’m fucked if I”m not getting my life in order before doing the writing.
  • We’ve all been there.
    • You have an essay to write for college so you decide to clean the house first. You would never normally clean the cupboards and the shower grime, but the filth has been gnawing at you for months. This is the time. Fuck the writing. I’m going to dance to some tunes while mopping my floors.
    • I used to think that this kind of behaviour was the worst kind of procrastination. Avoid avoid avoid. But after years of working and writing alone, I have come to understand the need to clean your head and your house before settling down to work. For me, positive procrastination seems to be a battle between your ‘failing’ will power (whereby you are not doing the thing that you have decided to do) and your exasperated body which has been carrying around the weight of a mounting to-do list for Godknows how long. Your urge to clean up and do other things is your body’s insistence on dealing with this situation.
    • Not only did I deep clean the bin under the kitchen sink this morning, I also spent yesterday evening sorting out the garage because I know that I need to create a proper workspace for myself. And on top of that, I am sitting writing this blog post (it’s 1145 now) because I’m fucked if I’m going to continue spending the rest of my life not writing.
  • Yes, I have to apply for a post-doc by Thursday, but, No, I am not going to abuse myself by not getting other, more immediate stuff sorted out first.
    • If I have to get up at 5 in the morning for the next three days, then so be it.But once my head and house are in order, I’ll piss through the application. I’ve been meaning to sort out that garage for six months and now the job has finally begun. I’ve been wanting to write this blog for years but I’ve been too afraid. So even if I don’t get the funding, then at least something good will have come from it.
    • I will exist again, if only in a tiny way. I have spent years in oblivion, cocooned away from the world, doing a PhD, and then re-writing it, and living in the middle of basically nowhere, and having a beautiful child. And as time has gone by, I have faded from existence. But I need to write, about Life, the Banterverse and Everythink.
    • My blog finally exists again. And all because there is something that I’m even more afraid of getting done.
    • And I’ll be doing it here, on A2dez.net

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